TheGrimmer Family: October 2016

On Halloween, Caleb's school has a parade outside. I left work early, but saw that the parade had begun when I was pulling up. I thought I missed him for sure! Erik spotted him, and I ran like a crazy so he could see me and I could get a picture! Before he saw me, he looked so sad!! I ran right up to him, and he got the biggest smile on his face! He said, "I thought you weren't coming!" I picked him up for the biggest hug and said I wouldn't miss it!!

When it was time for trick or treating, we went to Lisa and Nick's house. We had so much fun with Scarlett, Nikko, and some of the neighborhood kids! This year the kids wanted to be PJ Masks. They're young super heroes in a show on Disney Junior. Caleb was Cat Boy, Mila was Owlette, and I was Gecko, the third member of the trio! Erik dressed up as Romeo, the young evil mad scientist who wants to take over the world!

The kids had a great time, and all the adults had fun talking too!

Cutest dragon ever!

LOVE these two!!

Scarlett and Mila

This picture cracks me up!

PJ Masks selfie!

Beautiful fall scene!

Cute girls!

Caleb had so much fun hanging out with some boys from school!

PJ Masks

Sadly our Halloween reality includes Mila getting hives :( This is the second Halloween where she's gotten hives by the end of the night. We were on high alert all night, but obviously there are peanuts everywhere on Halloween! She didn't eat anything unsafe, but somehow some peanut candy must have touched her face. Thankfully they quieted down with some Benadryl, but we still had her sleep in bed with us!

This post is really long, detailed, and sad. You've been warned!! On October 29th, we said goodnight and goodbye to our first baby, Riley Pouncer. The last two weeks of his life were emotionally draining, but also filled with so much love. While some of the details are sad, I didn't want to forget anything from our last days with him.

Two weeks ago, Riley started not doing well. Every time he had to go outside he was straining to poop. I was worried about an obstruction. Five years ago he had a colonoscopy and they were able to resect part of a polyp, but said they weren't able to fully remove it. We always knew that it would continue to grow back. Two years ago when he had his teeth cleaned he did not do well with anesthesia, so we knew we couldn't do any more surgeries. We never knew how much more time we'd have with him, but are so incredibly grateful for the last 5 years we've shared with him!

We changed his food to sweet potatoes and chicken, because we thought that would be easier to digest than his dry kibbles. One morning last week he strained a lot, and then threw up his food. I knew that wasn't a good sign. I took him to the vet and after doing an exam they said that they could feel the polyp taking up almost all of his colon. When knew that it was just a matter of time. For the next 5 days we continued to give him watered down sweet potatoes and chicken in smaller amounts throughout the day, hoping it that would make it easier to digest. We are so grateful for those 5 days we had together. Through all of it he never looked like he was in pain or suffering. We figured that he wasn't giving up yet, and neither were we.

Tuesday afternoon I told Caleb that Riley wasn't doing so well and that God was going to be calling him to heaven soon. His first concern was whether or not Mila knew. I explained I told him first because I thought he would understand more, and he told me he would tell her and make sure she understood. Then he asked me if we could take Reese and Bella to Riley's funeral? With a little smile he said, " if dogs have funerals." I told him it's a little different with the doggies. Erik and I thought back and forth all morning about how to tell our children. We both came up with this idea. We told Caleb that when it was time for Riley to go to heaven we would take him to the vet. We said there's a special doggie door that sick doggies go through. At night, the angels come down from heaven and take them up to heaven. He nodded and said he understood. We gave him the option of going with us to the vet to say goodbye or saying goodbye at the house. He said he wanted to go with us. Then I told him that we didn't know how much time we had, so we need to make sure to give Riley lots of special loving.

On Thursday when we picked Caleb up from school, Mila needed to use the bathroom, so we stopped off at church. I said we don't ever stop at church and not say a prayer! They both knelt down and started to pray. Caleb said, "please don't take Riley to Heaven yet," and Mila looked at me with a wrinkled brow and said, "Riley's going to heaven?" I looked at her and nodded and said, "Riley is very sick and it's going to be time for him to go to heaven soon." She looked at me said, "I don't want to go to heaven yet!" I said I know Mila, none of us want him to go yet.

On Friday I went to work, because he seemed to be holding steady and still getting some poop out. I had never been so excited about poop in my whole life! Towards the end of my work day, mom texted me and said that Riley seemed weaker and hadn't peed all day. I left work immediately, and prayed the whole way home that he would wait for me and we could at least have one more night together. I knew when I got home, the way he reacted would be my answer as to what we needed to do. I was shocked when he trotted across the kitchen to greet me! He looked fine! We got him to drink some chicken broth water and he did pee for us.

Erik and I snuggled him all night. We brought him up stairs to our bed hoping that he would stay in bed and not ask to go outside so often. We snuggled him in between us. At 12:30 am, he asked to go out. I was so grateful that the weather was warm that night. I stayed outside with him for 20 minutes while he tried to poop. Mila woke up at that time and came outside, nearly terrifying me! I carried her upstairs and she said you can put me in my bed and bring Riley to snuggle. I was shocked that she said that. I carried him upstairs and laid him next to her. Reese and Bella followed of course. I layed there thinking to myself that if he asked to go out again, I would bring him up to Caleb's bed next.

Sure enough, he got up at 3:00 am asking to go out. I carried him downstairs waited outside for about 20 minutes and then we came back upstairs and layed down next to Caleb. Caleb stirred a little bit and I told him to snuggle Riley. I felt peace in my heart that he had been able to snuggle all of us one last time.

At 5:00 am I felt him get off the bed, but was so exhausted that I didn't get up. When I realized that he wasn't in bed, I found him in the hallway straining. The poor puppy bled all over the upstairs. I realized that each time he tried to go poop, he was getting out less and less. I woke up Erik and had him take Riley outside while I cleaned up the blood spots. I didn't want him to feel bad for the mess. I told Erik about the night, and we agreed that we'd take him to the vet that day. We both hugged and cried and laid with him.

The kids woke up surprisingly early for a Saturday! We all layed around and took turns snuggling Riley. Erik made breakfast and at 7:00 am I took him outside again. To my surprise he pooped the most he had pooped in 2 days! I looked at Erik and said maybe we wait a couple more days. Let's just see what happens. An hour later, I tried to feed him his sweet potatoes and chicken and he wouldn't eat. I looked at Erik, and I said it had to be today. He didn't want to eat or drink anything.

Erik broke down crying in the kitchen. Caleb had never seen him cry like that before and came into the kitchen. He asked me what was wrong, and Erik said we have to take Riley to heaven today. Caleb immediately said he needed a red marker and a piece of paper. I didn't know what he was going to write down, but within minutes was in shock. He had drawn a broken heart, cut it out, and taped it to his chest. He said his heart was breaking. Throughout the entire week and even all day Saturday, Caleb did not cry at all. He talked often about Riley going to heaven, but not once did he cry.

Erik and I got ready to go to the vet and had Riley lay by us in the bathroom. At one point I went to go pet him and his eyes were rolling back in his head. I thought he was going then, but then he suddenly perked up and sat up straight. We had the kids come and give him hugs and kisses. Then we laid in bed with him for a while. We took him downstairs and had Reese and Bella give him kisses all over his face. The kids said goodbye one more time, and then they stayed at the house to make sure Reese and Bella were ok. We are so grateful that Erik's Mom and Grandma came over to stay with the kids and Reese and Bella.

On the ride to the vet, I was heartbroken because he seemed to have perked up more. He was even shaking a little bit in my lap. When we got to the vet they were waiting with the door open for us and told us which room to go in right away. I'm so glad that we were able to go to our vet, and didn't have to go to an emergency vet in the middle of the night. The whole staff was amazing. It brought me comfort that they were all crying too, and didn't act like Riley was just another dog. I held him in my lap, petted him, and talked to him. Then we laid down on the floor with him. I told him how much we loved him, and mentioned all of the people in our family. I told him that he was the most loving and loyal puppy ever. Before they gave him any medicine, he had already started to close his eyes and sleep. I just laid there with my face in his face. When they gave him the medicine he was gone within 10 seconds. They let us lay there with him as long as we wanted and we stayed and talked to him for another 5 minutes. When we came home, Reese and Bella ran to me and smelled all over my shirt and gave me kisses. The kids seemed fine.

For the rest of the day, I struggled. I'm still struggling. It's so hard not seeing him throughout the house. It doesn't seem real to me that my baby is gone. I know we did the right thing for him, but it still hurts so much. I will miss him so much. He really was the most loyal and loving dog. Not to say that Reese and Bella are not, but in the last few months, he was always at my side.

On Sunday night, I read the Rainbow Bridge poem to Caleb. He burst out crying. I told him it was ok to cry. I told him we all missed Riley, and that we would for a very long time. Since he finally let his emotions out, he's been more vocal about how he's feeling, and when he's missing Riley. Mila realizes that Riley is gone, but she refers to him as he's still here. The other morning I asked her to feed the dogs and she asked where Riley's bowl was. I reminded her that Riley is in heaven now. She asked me if we still had his bowl. I told her we did and that I had just put it away because it didn't need food in it anymore. Caleb got some brown construction paper and cut it up into little brown squares to make food for Riley. His bowl has been on his placemat for the rest of the week, and I have no plans on moving it yet. It makes me feel better too.